Dating a married but separated man
Sure, you wouldn’t have wished it to have gone down this way.One of my clients, in her 30s, was dating a separated but still married physician in his 60s. She obviously didn’t pay attention to that when she fell in love with him , Instead was stuck in the illusion that he was going to divorce his wife anytime soon.( still married; just saying…) Now before anyone accuses me of picking on men, let me hasten to say that separated women can be just as “challenging” to date as separated men.In fact, I pity any man who dated me when I was separated; I was messed up, and didn’t even know it!
When they both first started having these conversations, he was against them. But after a number of months of her pushing the issue he finally sat down and they had this very conversation I’m talking filled with reality. I would have to be brutally honest and say that the odds are tiny. Because now he’s going into his eighth year of separation, with no date set for the actual divorce to take place.
But it’s hard to resist of falling in love with the “potential” of someone who you’re either really attracted to , who you might deeply connect with, or has something you want in this world.
Dating someone who is separated is a bad situation for both parties.
They had initially fallen deeply in love, and he told her that once the divorce was final, that they could start talking about planning the rest of their life together. But if he hadn’t done it in the past seven years, where was the guarantee that he would do it now in a timely fashion?
So I encouraged her to have this brutally honest conversation, one of the reasons that she was attracted to him was because of the large amount of money he made, which meant going on multiple trips was effortless.
In this agreement, I encourage all my clients to also put an ultimatum, that the person they’re dating goes into counseling once a week for the next 52 weeks. Because you want to make sure this person is exploring the reasons for their divorce, the reasons that they are still legally married, the reasons why they haven’t pulled the trigger and make the divorce final.