Dating don ts
So if you’re feeling the date, make sure you ask them questions. And I get that it takes time to completely show ourselves. You have a responsiblity to communicate your feelings. Most people don’t communicate their feelings due to fear.
And when we’re talkative, we can easily get into a talking loop instead of a nice back and forth flow of conversation. I get that in the beginning you want to show your best self, especially if you’re into someone. Through the dating process, as you get closer to each other and spend more and more time. As things come up, because things will, you are responsible for your own shit. In a nutshell, it prevents the space for magic and the natural unfolding. Yes, there is a chance someone can be the next big chapter of your life. But if you’re constantly wondering if they are or not, they won’t be.6. Movies have programmed us to believe that if we don’t feel the lightning in the bottle, it’s not real. That “lightning” is most likely coming from past and wiring. You’ll end up becoming a prisoner and merely exist instead of live.
Some people are great writers—or even have a friend ghost-writing for them.
In a phone chat, you’ll get a better sense of whether your personalities click.
DON’T get lured in by corny, overused pickup lines like, “Looking to spoil the person of my dreams with flowers and candlelit dinners.” Anyone can write something like this but few are actually interested in doing this for someone they haven't even met yet. If someone sounds too good to be true, they might be.
That's not to say that you should be overly cynical when scrolling through potential dates, but it's helpful to be realistic and have your guard up until a person you've met can prove that they are who they say they are. It’s all too easy to scroll through Internet profiles and select only the most attractive options.
It’s happened to me and the drive home is not cool. It was like meeting Drew Barrymore but Drew Carey showed up. Now you better be charming AF to dig yourself out of that hole.2. You’re just getting to know someone so stay on your side of the fence. I actually think is okay to talk about this as long as you’re sharing learnings and revelations. A healthy conversation about relationships is a great way to learn about what someone thinks about relationships and what’s important to them. Yes, you can talk about where you’re at in life and some of your frustrations but venting about all your life problems on the first date isn’t going to make people want to be in your life.3. The more expectations you have, the steeper the cliffs you will be creating. The only way to learn about these things is to actually experience them. If you choose to leave your safe fortresss, you will learn, grow, and evolve.
Because behind every time someone uses that word, there is someone who feels ripped off, discouraged, and tired of dating. If all your photos are the best photos you’ve ever taken in your life, you will be starting with your date being disappointed. But you’re not trying to convince someone to change their personal view points. You will learn what works, what doesn’t work, what you want, don’t want. Dig that moat or go out of your castle and run free.
Even more promising, information from Statista indicates that a 2019 survey found that 49 percent of dating app users said they were looking for exclusive relationships.
Usually the more we like someone, the more talkative we are. It’s through all of this where the true gift of dating lives.4. If you pretend to be someone you’re not, you’ll just be kicking yourself in the ass when they realize you’re not who they thought you were. Note: But there are some things you should talk to your therapist or dating coach about. But you can and should let who you’re dating know that you’re struggling with some things and are working on it with a therapist. But this only puts pressure on myself and the relationship, pulling you out of the present and living in logic and criticism. The “lightning in the bottle” most of the times means the dynamic can be unhealthy. It runs deep and most likely comes from the past, upbringing - protect their heart? You can protect yourself by living behind your fear walls and you’ll end up creating a moat around your life castle.
Do ask questions / don’t talk about yourself the entire time on the first date. It can quickly become sticky and you can write people off pretty fast. Just don’t make the entire conversation about all your exes. You can have some expectations later once it turns into something or there’s a conversation about the future and what both of you want. And I think that’s why dating gets such a bad wrap. But we need to experience all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly. You have to decide what should be shared and processed with who you’re dating and what needs to be processed with a therapist. We (including myself) put way too much weight on if someone’s “the one”. I’m forty five and feel like I’m running out of time. Or you can live fearlessly and you will fall and trip and get hurt.
It is baffling how people can think it’s ok to show up to a date post gym-workout or with bad body odour. And while you’re there, go ahead and brush your teeth because good hygiene can take you from ‘just a drink’ to dinner. For example, avoid asking if your date would “wanna root” [yes, this was a genuine question for one poor woman! Sex on a first date is great, but never an expectation.
If you’re talking more than Kanye West, shut up and ask your date a question! And leave it in your bag because phones belong on tables as much as horses belong on the treadmill. Sure you might have had some bad dating stories or a horror ex, but complain about them to your friends or your shrink.