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Paul said that the more thorough the list, the better, in order to make sure the PIR deals with any smoldering resentments (or other thoughts and feelings) that might creep out later in an unhealthy way.
The moral inventory in Step Four gives PIRs a practical tool for honestly and courageously facing how their addictive actions may have hurt others and harmed themselves in the process.
There is no right or wrong way to do this Step, and those who work it don't stop to try to figure out why they did what they did--they merely make a list in whatever way works best for them, trying to be as "searching and fearless" as they can be.
After listing their resentments, many PIRs include in their lists the other categories suggested in the Big Book: This last category of sexual harms is not limited to actual physical harms like infecting someone with a sexually transmitted disease, or having sex with someone against their will.
You may meet your PIR while they are in the midst of working Steps Four through Ten and be curious about what this "amends making" is all about.
If you sense (or know) this is the case with your PIR, it's good to give them some space and lots of tender support and encouragement, remembering that you can't be their therapist, but you can be their friend. Nagy is a college professor, actor, and songwriter.
In other words, there's often a lot for them to "unlearn" in recovery.
In Twelve Step programs, and especially in Steps Four through Ten, PIRs learn how to develop healthy relationship skills.
And I certainly didn't know that, as someone in a relationship with a PIR, it would have been good for me to do these Steps as well.
Now I've discovered that these "relationship" Steps are a balanced, healthy way even for non-PIRs to examine their own selves and their relationships with others.
Because of this, some PIRs may have developed trust, intimacy, or abandonment issues.