Dating up or down
I complained about how I was able to take chances in my career and move across the country several times, high on the promise that I’d land a job and an apartment when I got there.But for some reason, I hadn’t taken the risk to dive into a deeper pool of dudes.These are the reward-heavy risks I learned were worth taking.Are you sure you’re not settling in your current relationship?To be stimulated sexually, mentally and emotionally.To find someone who could hold his own and not get on my nerves. I went out with a guy who paid all of his bills on time, but who couldn’t stand up for himself.Another who was ablaze with self-confidence and sexual magnetism, but whose mom still cooked for him several times a week.I even dated a player type who seemed like he might dump me and he did.
At age 26, he still lived with his dad, but couldn’t be bothered to sleep in the spare bedroom because all of his crap — a graveyard of sporting equipment he lost interest in and old surf tees — was piled so high, he couldn’t find the bed.
A more accurate layer to this dynamic would be where I was in my life when these guys had entered it.
Often, I was in an emotionally unstable transition (starting college, starting my career, avoiding my mother’s illness), and these men showed up and made me laugh or feel like I was the most enchanting woman in the world and I didn’t want to leave.
Then, eventually, there was the guy I met while engaged in my passion — writing.
Artist-residency guy was divorced but stable and educated and creative.
His failed marriage didn’t make him defected, but a man who had been through some stuff and had been forced to grow — and that was refreshing.