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You’re doing that person (and yourself) a disservice if you get discouraged and quit dating before you ever meet, so stick it out. * Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S is Senior Vice President of Clinical Development with Elements Behavioral Health.
A client of mine recently wrote out the following list, and, in doing so, he outlined a serious departure from his lengthy (unsuccessful) dating history: Usually it is a very good idea to review your list of goals for dating with a trusted friend, family member, therapist or spiritual advisor, asking for feedback to make sure the list is truthful, realistic and complete.
Or maybe you’ve decided to address your long-standing dating dilemma with a bold new approach. What You Want (And Don’t Want): Part One of Your Plan If you’ve been actively dating (going out at least once or twice per month on a consistent basis) without success, and you’ve been doing this for an extended period of time (a year or more), and you’re tired of watching everyone else fall in love and get married and have kids and move to a nice house in the suburbs, it might be time for a dating plan that doesn’t consist entirely of “hooking up with that hot new guy/gal in accounting.” I suggest that you start by getting out your best pen and a piece of paper—or your laptop if that’s your preference—because you’re going to be writing some things down. The first thing you need to do is create a list of goals for future dating.
(Trust me when I tell you that putting your new dating plan in print gives it weight and meaning in a way that simply thinking about it does not.) So, do you have your pen and paper or your favorite digital device? Obvious questions that you should probably ask yourself before writing this list of goals include the following: After asking yourself these and similar questions, you can probably formulate a short list of goals and/or important traits that you are seeking in another person and a relationship.
With a traffic signals plan, you can look objectively at a potential partner before getting involved (or during the first date or two) and say, “Gee, this person is really attractive, but he/she is ‘between jobs,’ living with an ex, and seems uninterested in who I am as a person.
Maybe I should forget about how hot this person is and move on to someone better.” Finding the Right Person is a Numbers Game Dating successfully is often a matter of persistence.
This doesn’t mean that either of you is a bad person, it just means that you need to keep dating until you find a proper match.