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If I didn’t take a boyfriend’s flirting to mean anything about me or our relationship, there would have been nothing to be jealous about.
I decided to have a conversation with a friend of mine who had been polyamorous for many years, something I’d long struggled to understand.
“If you want all the security of a relationship and the fun of sleeping with whoever you want, it seems like you’re trying to have your cake and eat it too,” I told him.
“You can’t just do whatever you want without taking into account how it’ll hurt the person you love.” “The goal isn’t to do whatever you want,” he said.
Could I consider someone else’s feelings without immediately making them about me? A few weeks later, I went back to Sam and told him I was willing to give it a go—with one condition: “I want your wife’s permission and I want to hear it from her,” I said. We sat and talked about politics for a while, but when she and I were alone together, I had to ask her, “How are you OK with this?
” “Honey,” she answered, smiling and taking another sip of wine, “when you’ve been married for 30 years, you’ll understand.” For her, commitment from Sam wasn’t about not sleeping with other people—not anymore.
Martin argues that, contrary to popular opinion, women often get bored with monogamy even faster than men.And I wondered if I could translate that to my other—read: human—relationships.Could I give as much as I do without demanding that the other person did the exact same thing in return? When his wife answered the door, he introduced me as “the woman he’d been telling her about.” She offered me some wine.I had never considered the idea that being polyamorous could be self One night shortly after that, my dog’s stomach was upset and he woke me up four times in the middle of the night begging to go outside.Afterwards, I was surprised to realize I hadn’t been at all angry with him for making me go outside in the middle of the polar vortex—all I cared about was that he was OK.
It was about him being a good father to their children, coming home when he said he would, and not forgetting to pick up milk on the way—all of which he was apparently very good at.